In the Man Cave

Today Susie Ma’am and I completed one of our favorite parts of camp: Friendship Circle and Man Cave.

Friendship Circle (for girls) and Man Cave (for boys) is our effort to spend at least one hour with every cabin at camp.  We schedule the cabins to come to our house, sit together and just talk.

OK, we do not JUST talk, Susie Ma’am and I also give the campers treats.  We have Doritos for the salty snack crowd and Oreos for the sweets lovers.  You might know that we have been focusing on providing healthier options at camp.  For example, we stopped providing sodas at treat time and we endeavor to make most of the snacks more healthy that not.  The options in the Fillin Station (our dining hall) are healthy, including gluten-free offerings and vegetarian options at every meal as well as an enormous salad bar with an assortment of proteins, fruits and vegetables.

Knowing this, you might ask, “Why do you serve Doritos and Oreos?”  The answer is simple, we are cheating to assure that they love coming to the house!

Actually, I am not sure that is even necessary.  The campers really enjoy having some time to just talk and share with each other, their counselors, division leaders and even their “old” directors.

Each year, we modify what we do during these special hours.  Last year, we had silk “fortune cookies” that had discussion-inducing questions like “If you wrote a book, what would the topic be?” or  “If you could have any superpower, what would you choose and why?”  One of our favorites last year was “If you designed a space station, what would you put on it?”  Apparently, oxygen tanks and space suits lose out to the true necessities: slushee machines, sport courts and swimming pools . . . in zero gravity.

This year, Susie Ma’am has some plastic body parts (like feet, eyes, hearts, etc) as well as conversation-starting cards.  The girls attending her Friendship Circle can choose either 2 cards to answer or pick a body part and share a story about it.

Please do not think Susie Ma’am is conducting an anatomy class, the body parts are used as follows:
·      I chose a foot because my family took a hike in the Rockies.
·      I picked this heart because I love my cabinmates so much.

The cards work well too, though Susie Ma’am reports that one of the most popular cards has proven to be a dud: “Do you have any interesting scars or birthmarks?”  Sounds like a good conversation starter, but it is not.  Every single girl that has selected this card has shared the same scintillating answer.

“No.”

Not a lot you can do with that one.

The girls also love sharing Friendship Circle with Fenway Ma’am and Wrigley Ma’am – the cookie-stealing basset hounds.  I would have thought that having a dog steal a precious cookie would not make them popular, but the opposite is true.  The girls giggle and howl when the dogs are on the prowl.  Of course, it helps that Susie provides replacement cookies.

On the boys side, we are letting the guys build models using Legos.  We ask them to build a model of a happy cabin or a perfect day at camp.  We got the sets from a man who is president of Lego Education and a good friend.  It has been fun to hear the different explanations of a perfect day (ranging from “time with friends” to “lots of water toys”!

But the Legos are not the main attraction.  Perhaps the greatest aspect of these gatherings is our slushee machine.  Yes, we have replaced sodas (previously, this was one of the few remaining places campers still got sodas) with slushees. Why?  Because there is a universal truth that I have discovered.  Deep in the heart of every child is a dream.

Not to become president or a sports star or a great performer. Sure some have these dreams, but one dream is shared by all children.

At the core of every child, is the desire to operate a slushee machine.  OK, maybe not every day in 8 hour shifts, but at least once in the course of a lifetime.  Some of us long to hike the Himalayas, but only AFTER we create our own 3 flavored, swirled slushee.

I had no idea.

One of the campers asked why we do these gatherings?  It is because we do not want to be firemen.

Please allow me to explain.  When do you call a fireman?  Fire, car accident, medical emergency, cat trapped in tree.  In short, they show up during emergencies/difficult times.  We do not invite firemen to birthdays, wedding celebrations or graduations.  No.  The firemen get the tough times, but not the joyous ones.

Let me be clear, I am thrilled that firemen exist.  But I think it might be tough seeing more tough times than grand times.

If we are not careful, a camp director quickly becomes a fireman.  We know every altercation, homesickness case, illness and struggle.  We, however, are not generally around when the camper who is scared of heights ascends the climbing wall or when a cabin shares jokes until they are laughing uncontrollably.  As a camper and a counselor (many moons ago), I loved those moments.  But today, our (Susie Ma’am and me) responsibilities are to assure the safety (physical and emotional) of our campers.

Since we want to enjoy fun chats with our campers, we decided to create them.  Hence the birth of Friendship Circle and Man Cave.

One additional thought on the difference between the two.  In camp, it is generally a good idea to convince the boys and girls that they are having different experiences.  Here is how I explain it to the boys:

“The girls come to our house and sit on blankets, eat snacks, have drinks and chit chat.  That, gentlemen, is called Friendship Circle.  On the boys’ side, we do something entirely different.  We sit on animal skins cleverly disguised  as blankets.  We do not have snacks, but instead have munchies.  No drinks . . . beverages.  And we do not chit chat, we talk (this said with as deep a voice as I can muster).  And ours is called Man Cave!  So, you can see that they are totally different.”

In reality, the only difference other than the name is the fact that the boys and girls now enjoy designated areas – the girls in the traditional space and the boys upstairs in our second family space.  The picture is from the Man Cave area.

Steve Sir

Vast amounts of research are revealing that this model is flawed.  Instead, it seems that happiness leads to success.

We, like you, want to provide experiences that will help your children be both successful and happy in their lives.

This article is about doing that very thing.

Much of what I am sharing comes from Shawn Achor, a former professor at Harvard who co-taught the most popular class there for 3 straight years who wrote The Happiness Advantage.  You may have seen him on one of the PBS fund drives (I know, I don’t watch those either, but his program was used as one of the feature shows during the pledge week).

He is also a friend of Camp Champions, having visited several times and suggested ideas to make help make camp more helpful to our campers.

We met him when I was the chair of the Tri-State Camp conference (the largest gathering of camp professionals in the world) and Shawn was one of our keynote speakers.

He showed us studies that showed that happy minds have greater access to the full capability of the brain.  They are in fact, “smarter”. Positive people also make those around them more positive, productive and content.   Teams (in sports and business) with happy and optimistic individuals outperform those with similar skills but more pessimistic outlooks.

In short, one of the best things we can do for our children is to foster an optimistic and positive outlook.  For this article, I am using the technical definition of “optimism” and “pessimism”:
• A pessimist thinks that problems are systemic and that he or she can do little to nothing to mitigate the problems.
• An optimist thinks that problems are temporary and that she has the ability to minimize them through his or her actions.
Using this definition, optimism is seen as psychologically healthy while pessimism often leads to depression.

Here are some additional tidbits.

Much of the research is very new, but it is incredibly exciting.  For example, they have found that people can increase their “baseline of optimism”.  Basically, we all tend to have an emotional or attitudinal baseline.  We have happier days and sadder days, but they tend to relate to this baseline.  Some people are very optimistic and their bad days do not seem that bad since they start from a positive place.  Similarly, a really good day for a highly pessimistic person might not seem that positive since the baseline is low.

Their studies have revealed that a person can do certain activities that increase the baseline of optimism – even in subjects over 60 years old.  Put differently, someone that has tested as a pessimist for his entire life can develop habits that will have him test consistently as an optimist after only 3 months.

There are many activities in these experiments, but let me share 5 and the reasons that they believe they help:
1. Exercise.  Exercise has been shown to be as effective as anti-depressants  in fighting depression and is less likely to result in relapses.  Exercise releases endorphins that improve mood.  Also, a successful exercise session gives the exerciser a feeling of accomplishment and control, which correlate with positive outlooks.
2. Meditation.  The human mind is not designed to multi-task and doing so creates some levels of stress (in the form of cortisol) in the brain.  People who meditate (or pray) for 5 minutes a day manage to undo the effects of multitasking.
3. Doing 5 random acts of kindness a day.  Doing kind acts with no expectation of reward connects with a very deep part of our minds and social instincts.  We are at our best when we are part of a community.  Cooperating and caring are the glue that holds communities together.  Also, doing kind goals help create a positive self-image.
4. Journaling for 5 minutes a day about something positive.
5. Writing 3 things that you are grateful for each day.  Both of these last two activities work on the same principal.  When you know that you will be writing about positive things (or things to be grateful for), you prime your mind to “see” more things that are positive.   In essence, you are training your mind to “sort” for the uplifting and happy aspects of your life, thus making them more real.  Your filter shapes your worldview.

Having read this research, we want to incorporate some of its lessons into camp.  We have already told you about “Grateful Deeds” and modeling gratitude.  We also plan to incorporate elements of the research into the Senior Camper (high school leadership) program.  Every cabin has created a nightly ritual that incorporates elements of this research.

From the kids point of view, they do not know that we are tweaking our program based on research.  For them, the key is to make every activity fun and engaging.  But I thought you might appreciate the many ways that we strive to make camp not only delightfully fun, but also highly helpful for your child!

Steve Sir

Every evening we have a “Torchlight” ceremony.  Most nights (usually 5 per week), the girls and boys are separate; we do unified ceremonies on the other nights.  Once we take roll call (consisting of each cabin sharing a joke or observation in unison), we sing our “Torchlighter Song” as the Torchlighter of the evening brings in a handheld torch and lights our large torch.

Torchlighters are nominated and discussed by the counselors in daily meetings. The counselors nominate campers that have embodied the values of a “Champion”, including the 4 Rs (respect, responsibility, taking reasonable risks and reaching out to others).

When the Torchlighter comes in with the torch, he or she is escorted by 2 people: a member of the leadership team and a member of the “Lifetime Torchlighter’s Club”, or LTC.  An LTC is a camper or counselor that has been named Torchlighter in three different summers.  Once this happens, that camper becomes an “LTC” and is no longer eligible to be a Torchlighter.  Instead, LTCs become the escorts.  We do this so that we can recognize more campers.

The fact that we have a limited number of LTCs means that they will be escorts several times.  This might look like we are honoring the same campers, but this is not the case.  In fact, we had a parent ask why we were recognizing the same girls the day after a 6 summer camper made torchlight for the first time.  This parent had seen the LTC and thought she was also a Torchlighter.  I hope this helps clarify.

While being named Torchlighter is an honor, it is not an obsession.  We celebrate our Torchlighter with the enthusiasm of a Champion for around 5 minutes.  We also celebrate the Torchlighter’s cabin and his/her hometown, which helps other campers to share in the enthusiasm.

I would like to share a final thought.  The term is too short and we have too many campers worthy of recognition.  In other words, we would need a term that lasted for months to recognize every worthy camper.  Some ask why then do we do it?  I think there are important lessons here.  First, we reinforce our values by recognizing individuals who exemplify them.  Second, the campers get an opportunity to celebrate the success of others.  Too often, we want to focus on ourselves and miss the generosity of spirit necessary to be happy for another person.  Finally, it provides an opportunity to model perseverance.  Each summer we have had people make Torchlighter for the first time in their 7th, 8th or 10th summer (the last case was a long-time camper-counselor who made Torchlighter during counselor orientation).  These are stories of Champions that every camper can learn from!

Steve Sir

On first glance, it seems like an almost impossible arrangement, but this is an area where surprises abound.

But before I share the surprises, I will tell you a few things that will NOT surprise you.

The cabins are always clean or neat.  In fact, they rarely are either, except for during inspection.  That is about the only hour that the typical cabin does not look like a war zone.  Campers do not strive for neatness and order as much as most adults.  Nope, a healthy helping of chaos is much appreciated.

Stuff can get lost and even broken.  When you combine lots of stuff with lots of feet and questionable organizational skills, you will have some losses.

But the surprises makes all of this worthwhile.

To start, sharing becomes a skill that is well-honed.  Sharing makes cabinmates happy.  Even reluctant sharers eventually realize that sharing is a must when living so close together.

Territorial bubbles shrink substantially.  When this happens, something special occurs.  The campers become more selfless.  They value the group and not just themselves.

Since they interact with each other all day, every day; they are force to be themselves.  In other words, they do not have the luxury of pretending to be someone else – it is too exhausting to wear a mask for 16 hours a day.  Instead, each camper can be his or her authentic self and be loved.  That is a rare gift outside of the immediate family.

Every moment is not paradise.  Campers learn conflict resolution.  They learn to be flexible since the cabin does not always want to play the same game they want to play.

One of the best techniques to build cabin unity and communication is to create their own cabin rules.  This happens on the first day and the campers in the cabin make the list themselves.  Counselors can ask questions (e.g., “what do you think about gossiping?”), but the rules all come from the campers.  The rules are theirs and they feel ownership, so they are more likely to follow them.

I have shared a copy of the rules from Boys Cabin 9.  [Note: Each of the Letterman cabins (#5-9) is a clan named after an animal.  The Lettermen Division Leader (George Sir) has created a legend that each cabin (excuse me, each clan) has a role in. ]  I think my favorite rule is “be manly men”.  I have absolutely no idea what this means, but I can picture them voting to include it on the list despite the obvious ambiguity.  The rest of the rules are a pretty good blueprint for a solid cabin.

Yep, I think Thomas Jefferson would be proud of the Wolf Clan!

Steve Sir

But the biggest difference is Trojan-Spartan games and Vespers.

Trojan-Spartan games have been around every year since our founding in 1967.  Every camper becomes a member of the Trojan or a Spartan team and will remain with his or her team for life.  Last night, our newest campers had their Initiation into their new teams.  [Note: the boys’ side of camp take their initiation very seriously and they decided that flash photography hampers the mood of the ceremony, hence you will see lots of photos from the girls’ initiation but few from the boys’.  The picture attached to this article was smuggled out to give you a little flavor of the event on the boys’ side.]

Before and after the initiation, we make sure the campers hear several messages.  First, we want them to know that they are part of our longest tradition.  Second, I want to know that once they are part of a tribe, they are truly Champions campers and no longer “new” campers.  Third, both teams are equally awesome, so do not worry about where you end up.  Fourth, we value sportsmanship in our competitions.  Finally, once the games are over, we are not Trojans or Spartans; but are instead friends, cabinmates and Champions once again.

Today, you would have been proud of your Trojan or Spartan.  We had a spirited and lively competition.  The boys participated in 7 activities, travelling from one area to the next by age.  Here are the activities:
• Gaga (best version of dodge every)
• Team-walk (all campers stand on 2 4×4 board and have to talk as a team)
• Glob (how many campers can balance on a soap-covered glob)
• Lily-pad relay (a relay race in water)
• Bombardmant (team dodge ball)
• Steal the bacon (hard to describe, but it involves two campers trying to grab a bandana without getting caught)
• Blind-folded maze (one maze-walker is led by his team)
The girls were overachievers and had 11 events, though each camper only participated in 6-7:
• Cheer-off
• Jello eat
• Trash can relay
• Oatmeal dig
• Water balloon toss
• Musical water buckets
• Steal the bacon
• Bombardment
• Crazy obstacle course
• Balloon stomp
• Senior Camper tug-o-war

I am getting tired simply writing all that down, but the campers had a blast.

We announced the winning team at the camp-wide picnic.  Today, the winner was the Trojans in a very close battle (36-35).  After a brief celebration, we then moved on to our evening event – Vespers.

Vespers is one of my favorite times at camp because we get a chance to celebrate our community and reflect on the week.  I know this sounds solemn, but let me assure you that two decades of camp have taught is that young campers only have so much reflection in them, so the entire gathering is generally less than half an hour.

But it is an important half hour.  We gather around separate campfires, with the girls on their sailpoint and the boys on theirs. We wear white shirts.  The shirts are not symbolic of anything really, but they are used just to set the experience apart from the rest of the week.  Sometimes, an inside-out camp uniform shirt is the closest we have to a white shirt, but that works just fine.

Susie Ma’am leads girls’ vespers.  She chose to talk about failure.  Specifically, her message is that successful people fail.  They are willing to try new things and take risks.  When their efforts do not work (they fail), these individuals bounce back higher and more determined.  Failure is also educational – teaching us the wrong way to do something.  She told them that “failure is education”.

She suggested that camp is a wonderful place to try new things, stretch yourself and – yes – fail.  But camp is also a place where you find your inner resilience, try again and develop persistence.

After the talk, she had over a dozen girls gleefully tell her, “I am ready to fail tomorrow!”

On the guys’ side, we talked about appreciation.  We did Grateful Deeds, where campers publicly acknowledge acts of kindness in others.

I told them the Tiger Story about how each of us is a powerful and unique tiger that is capable of extraordinary things (I will share the story with you in a later blog).

I than asked the boys to do something challenging – be silent for 2 minutes.  During that time, I asked them to listen to the sounds, feel the breeze, watch the sunset and think about all the wonderful things in their life.  We encouraged them to appreciate the families that love them enough to share the gift of camp, cabinmates that are fun and willing to play, and counselors that are awesome and supportive.

We all have so much to be appreciative about.  I think it is wonderful when we take the time to do so.

Also, being with almost 200 boys and men sitting in silence together is a pretty cool experience.  Susie similarly loves her time with the girls as they all stare into the fire and share.

After Vespers, all the campers got Sunday Sundaes (ice cream with multiple possible toppings) as a special treat to celebrate our first full week together.

We now go happily into our next week together.  I love the second week.  Everyone understands the rhythms of camp and knows our traditions.  The first year campers are no longer “new” campers and camp feels like a family.

Perhaps a very loud and chaotic family, but a family nonetheless!

Steve Sir

To begin, we want our campers to be responsible for their possessions and their cabins.  With this in mind, we have cabin inspections that assure that they are making their beds, keeping their cabin clean and washing themselves. While we cannot promise that they will continue to do so at home, we can assure you that they will have the basic skills (even if reluctantly applied).

The campers keep their eating areas clean; clearing their tables and sweeping the area.  Cabins make this a team activity and some counselors are very creative about it.  For example, the youngest boys (“the Real Men”) get the opportunity to pour ice water over their counselor if they complete the task in a specific time.  [Note: one of the greatest rewards possible is to embarrass a counselor.  Pouring cold water on a much-loved counselor is a surprising motivator.]  We have a “Clean Table” competition that awards a weekly winner for both the boys and girls.  The winning cabin gets a special meal served to them with tablecloths and table service!  OK, we are not too proud to provide a little extra incentive/bribery!

Responsibility at camp, however, goes beyond just material items.  We stress taking responsibility for actions as well.  Cabins create (remember the article about the Wolf Clan yesterday)y.  We stress fairness and sportsmanship in our activities.  In these ways, we are not unusual compared to others camps.  We try to take personal responsibility a step further. For a young camper, this can mean pointing out the importance of helping cabin-mates and avoiding hurtful language.

As the campers get older, our message becomes more nuanced.  We want them to understand that they can greatly affect other’s opinions of them.  For example, if a camper is struggling with a cabinmate, we might ask her what she can do to improve the relationship.  The initial response is usually something like the following: “it is not my fault . . . she is the one that is being mean/won’t listen”.  In this case, we will challenge the camper to re-think the situation.  We will suggest that she cannot expect the other girl to change spontaneously, but she CAN change her own approach.  With this in mind, we might ask her what she might be able to do to improve the situation.  Of course, we will be having the same conversation with the other camper as well.  While this does not resolve all issues, we think it an important lesson (“I can significantly affect how others experience me”) and, as a result, I can take responsibility for my relationships.

Working with the campers this way reminds each of us that we need to be personally accountable and responsible in all we do.  As such, it is a welcome (if not somewhat daunting) reminder.

Steve Sir